Selena's Guide To Surviving The Apocalypse
by Mikadaphne28
Summary: Top Tips: - Take note of your surroundings. Always. You never know when you might need to improvise a weapon or escape route. - Never forget your 6, aka your back. You've only got one. Think about it. - And, the most important tip of all, it's actually common sense, USE YOUR BRAIN IF YOU DON'T WANT TO LOSE IT.


_**(10 November, 2014) Have you guys ever watched Zombieland before? The one with Emma Stone in it? I did. **__**Before, ya know, my love of zombies came. It may not be the best (TWD forever, freaks!), but I did enjoy some parts (not the freaking clown. I do NOT like clowns. Present me with one and I will not hesitate to poke your eyes out), most especially the narration. That part, where the main character (I forgot his name...) tells us rules on what to do and what not in a zombie apocalypse, kinda gave me an idea. Well, it's a stolen idea, so...**_

_**Disclaimer: Plot idea goes to Zombieland creative writers, directors and who not.**_

_**So, yeah. Not being original here, but it's related to SotD, and I am (SWEAR) gonna update that...after my Bio exam. As a self reward. Just found the notebook (two days ago, but I was studying, you can't blame me) where I wrote the other chapters for the story, so I'm still typing them out.**_

_**Update (12 November, 2014): Oh great. I'm half-ly satisfied with my Bio test and quiz, and I can't believe I made it out of my Math exercise sane...**_

_**Update (22 November, 2014): FINALLY. I get to post this darn thing. XD ENJOY!**_

_**Anyways, welcome to,**_

_**Selena's Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse.**_

_***Warning: Characters (mostly Selena) will become immature, cussing people (still Selena) who have no idea what they're doing (do I even need to mention?).**_

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><p>I was humming to one of the best songs I've heard by Fall Out Boy: My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light 'Em Up). I know, it's a mouthful. Pretty much why I said it in my head.<p>

"Yo, Rico!" I waved over to the man on the other side before crossing the hood of the car barricading the warehouse. He murmured something to himself as he played with the lock and I watched him. "What was that?" Rico let go of the damn lock and gestured to it, mumbling. "Ah, the lock's being an arse." I placed my hand on the door and leaned on it. "Well, there's always, whoa!"

The door had swung open and I found myself lying on the ground.

"Aw, come on!" A call came from behind me and I giggled. "Yu' kiddin me?" A clank indicated that my partner had just kicked the door with the lock on it. My giggles turned into chokes as dust came up my throat, but I didn't stop until Rico kicked me. "Ah, shut up." I rolled my eyes and got up, dusting my clothes as he walked past me.

"Sore loser." He gave me a glare and I stuck out my tongue at him. "You couldn't have tried both doors first?" More mumbling, but I didn't need to have super hearing to know what the guy was saying.

"_Gunner_." I looked down at my belt, where the handheld transceiver aka walkie talkie was clipped to. I looked up to say something to Rico, but he was lost to the darkness of the warehouse. "_Gunner, you there? This is Chief."_

I walked cautiously inside as I picked up and spoke to the little device. Gunner was my codename. Don't ask me why, when I'm horrible with guns, except for the shotgun. I think it was made in mockery... "Chief?"

"_You two in yet?_"

"We're in, boss. May I know the status of the delta team plus one?"

"_We're on our way. __What do you see?_"

I paused and squinted, but even with my glasses on, it was hopeless. "Complete darkness?"

"_Cadet?_"

"Yeah?"

"_If you don't stop sassing me right now, I will personally become your trainer again._"

"Got it, boss."

"_Now, what do you see?_" I was about to reply when I felt it. Well, heard would be appropriate, but you could practically feel those things grabbing you...whoops. I stepped to the side just in time to miss the swipe from one of the undead.

"Hold up a sec, boss." I kept the HT and backed up a bit. Ya see, I may be on the offense team here, but I'm as blind as a bat without a source of light. I haven't even adjusted to the lack of light yet.

My fingers were about to grab the flashlight, when I realized that I didn't have one. I had lent it to Rico so that he could see the lock, and I think he didn't give it back. Purposely.

I am so going to, shoot. I jumped back as a hand barely got me.

My goal was the open door, where, thankfully, the moonlight was streaming in. It was the only source of light actually, so I had to go there, and maybe lead them out so I can see them clearly as I stab those mothers.

You know, for a warehouse, the windows were blackened out. I mean, who does that? What is the purpose of that when the windows were high up on the walls? They're definitely hiding something in here...if it wasn't already obvious, let me give you a clue. It starts with Z and ends with -ombies.

The sound of something crashing to the ground sounded. "Ow!" That was Rico.

"Rico?" I called out, hoping that the guy was near. "No answer." I looked behind, only to collide with a looming figure. A gasp came from my mouth and I backed...into another body. "Fu-tard!" I elbowed the thing behind me before it could chomp down on my hair and dashed for the door. Good thing I had my nest in a braid instead of a ponytail. Would've been snagged by a stray hand and I'll be dinner.

"Rico! Where are you, man?! We need to head back! They're effing everywhere! RICO!" I was screeching by then. The truth really was idiotically simple. We were surrounded, with no light source, back-up or weapons. Yeah, you read that right.

Great idea, Skipper. Sending in your offense team without weapons. No, wait. I'm going to kill Kowalski for even suggesting that the warehouse could be 47.93% harmless. _Harmless, my_ _foot_. Good idea. I'll use my foot, I mean boot. I mean...

I gritted my teeth and reached for the black blade bowie knife in my boot. Always arm yourself, no matter the situation. This is a damn zombie apocalypse. Don't expect NOT to see a single zombie.

"Juarez, my baby. How I've missed you..." I murmured with a kiss to the clean blade before I reached for one of them that I could actually see and stabbed it. "RICO?! The hell, man!" I stabbed another, kicked one away and looked around. "Where the heck are you?"

"Selena!" My head whipped around and I took a step back as something ambled toward me. I raised my blade and grabbed it, but was hoisted up.

Wait, WHAT?!

I panicked once my feet touched ground and swung the blade wildly, until two hands gripped my arms. "Hey! I's me!" I dropped my weapon and stared at Rico.

"Seriously?"

"What?" I rolled my eyes at him and turned around. "Wait." He pulled me back and the area before me was lit up.

My eyes grew wide at the scene before me. "Holy cheeses, man." It was a mass of those things, and now that there was light, they were coming toward us like a beacon. We were barely off the ground too; just stuck on a couple of metal barrels, in reach of those things.

"Say that again..."

"Holy cheeses, man." *Bang!* We both jumped at the sound and held onto each other. "Fu-tard." I cursed loudly as the warehouse was now in complete darkness, because the door had closed shut. "Kowalski, you are so dead when I get my hands on you..." I pushed away from Rico, kicked one of them away, shoved two and turned back to the man when he tapped me.

"Her'." He held out a miner's hat, which I gladly strapped around my head and flipped the switch on. Just in time to light up a decomposed face, which I gladly stabbed.

"This is bull, man. We need to scram." Rico nodded and tugged me in one direction, going up a stack of crates this time.

Up until now, I still didn't know how he was fending off, until my light flashed on the long bloody blade in his hands. My favorite weapon, the katana.

"Hey, is that the same one you use to make dinner?" Rico didn't stop, but he did look back at me. I raised a brow at him, and I received a sheepish grin. "You have got to be kidding me."

"I sw'r," he held his hands up, "I'v o'ly _just_ us'd it." I just stared at the back of his head until he looked at me. "Don' tel Skip'er."

"Hell no." I shook my head and picked up my pace. "But this is a huge health violation, man. I mean, like, HUGE." Over the crates, and we reached the second floor landing, though the distance was quite far. Good thing Skipper made us do runs and jumps around the safe house. I needed a little help with my strength and speed, but I had the endurance. It was good enough for the boss, and it was good enough for me, since I made the jump.

Well...

"Com' on!" Rico had managed to grab my hand after it lost its grip on the landing, and all I had to do was scramble up. Easy enough? You're asking the girl who hardly exercised. It was THAT hard. "Selena!" The man grunted as he pulled me up, well, tried, since I was heavy. My arm felt like ripping apart and my other was slipping on the railing just trying to get a grip. Still, I managed to get a foot up and Rico actually grabbed it and pulled me back by my foot and hand. Once I was safe on the landing, he dropped back, huffing and puffing.

"Thanks, man."

"Yeah." He got up slowly. "Stop eating."

"I got a damn good reason now." I sarcastically shot back at him as I gestured to the katana. I got to one of the windows and examined it. They were painted over, so I just scraped at it until I could see something from outside. "Who effing paints on windows..." I grumbled, trying to take a look of the outside world.

"Uh, Sel?"

"Hold it, man. Almost got it." _Right..._I squeezed my face to the tiny opening and looked out. "Oh cheese sticks."

Two hands grabbed my shoulders and shook me. "Selena!"

"What?" I whirled around to face him, but he moved me about so that I could see to our left.

Stairs. Stairs, leading to the landing. And they were currently being used.

I didn't need Rico's help to see the right side. It was the same thing, but they were already here.

Damn it.

"Move." Rico pulled me back and raised the katana, before bringing the handle down on the window, much to my horror.

"No, Rico," I covered my face just as the handle smashed into the window, "wait!" I dropped my arms slowly and watched as Rico took out the shards left and turned to me. "I can't believe you did that." Before he could reply, I shook my head and pointed out. "Look." We both looked down at the things staring back up at us. Soon after, they were heading towards the warehouse.

A whole yard full of them.

"Ohhh..."

I sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Not your fault, man. It's Kowalski's."

"Goo'by'?" I snorted and smacked him.

"Heck no. I'm not dying by getting eaten." Nope, definitely not.

_"Gunner."_ Oh gawd. The HT. I almost forgot. I grabbed the device and spoke to it, my eyes mirroring Rico's worried ones.

"Skip, please tell me you're on your way."

"_Affirmative. Be there in three. Be on the ground floor by then."_

"Sir, we're surrounded and-"

_"I got that, Gunner. We're taking out the ground threat. I'm giving you three minutes to get your butts down here, before we scram, 'cause we've got a herd coming this way. Probably because of the explosions somebody set off."_ That last sentence was definitely accusing. No way was I, or Rico, going to say sorry though. We have egos.

"Am I supposed to apologize?"

_"I am starting to regret this plan, cadet."_

"I'll shut up now."

_"Great. Three minutes. Starting now."_ At that moment, a small explosion echoed outside, followed by gunfire. the two of us looked briefly to see Skipper on top of a truck, firing away from the submachine on top. I'd love to know where he got that from, when both Rico and I scouted earlier on and saw no such thing but we still have our own personal problem to take care of.

We turned to the threat, looked at each other, and then back, knowing that we couldn't hold off. Even for three minutes.

Looks like it's time to improvise.


End file.
